Dana, Emma, Amy, Gerry, Margaret, and Spooky versus the Zombies

My friend and fellow Femme Fatale Charlaine sent a copy of a quiz about surviving a zombie apocalypse to FafFF Toni and me. Being incapable of resisting anything resembling a standardized test, I took it. You can take it here.

Apparently I have a 41% chance of surviving a zombie attack. I admit it: I was miffed by this number, but that’s what you get for being honest about your abilities. And I probably would make decisions that were sentimental rather than geared to cold-blooded survival. But…still. I fancied my chances were better than 41%. I got really annoyed.

Eventually I realized I was taking a made-up test about a fictional situation altogether too seriously. Getting agitated over nothing, you might say. Sheepish me. Must cut down on that half cup of coffee I consume in a week.

But then it hit me—in this hypothetical situation, how would my fictional avatars do? I retook the test five times, trying to answer from the point of view of each of my protagonists (from books, short stories, and WIP). Here are their descriptions and the percentage chance they have against a full-on zombie assault.

Dana Cameron (mystery writer and archaeologist, Beverly, Massachusetts): 41%

Emma Fielding (archaeology professor, a small Massachusetts town): 43%.

Not surprisingly, Emma is most like me. She got a few points more because she’s probably better at stocking her emergency supplies than I am and lives in a much smaller community that I do. Zombies seem to prefer cities.

Amy Lindstrom (Washington Post reporter, outside Washington, D.C.): 32%.

Amy didn’t do as well as I thought she would, considering how smart and resourceful she is; she’s also in pretty good shape. I think what hurt her was living in a densely populated community and she would probably try to rescue more people. Altruism is not a quality respected by zombies.

Gerry Steuben (private investigator and werewolf, Salem, Massachusetts): 70%

This was an interesting one for me: is Gerry is changed or is he in human form? Who would win, a zombie or a werewolf? An astronaut or caveman? But since he’s pretty hard to kill , and is an ex-cop, he’d do okay. It’s just that damned inclination to heroics that brought his score lower.

Margaret Chandler (gentlewoman, a 1720s Massachusetts coastal town): 52%.

This took me by surprise, though it shouldn’t have. Margaret’s household would have been self-sufficient for a week or so at a time; longer, if she was at the farm. There would have been guns in the house, and she would be capable of learning to use one. There were no police or hospitals to run to. And no need to run far (in corsets?) to find her household, who would have been close by. Yay, Margaret! (Note to self: must explore concept of 18th-century zombies…)

Spooky (covert operative, outside Washington, D.C.): 90%

No surprise here: if Spooky were confronted with a zombie attack, she’d survive. More than that, she’d probably thrive, establish a post-apocalyptic settlement with herself at the helm, eventually taking over most of the mid-Atlantic region, with an eye to New York and Boston. Purely as a precautionary measure; she’s really a creature of simple needs. But I wouldn’t under any circumstances allow her to become a zombie…